Act 00 Scene 00

Setting the Stage

30|00|13|12|L|Q|
29|00|13|12|R|Q|

Act 01 Scene 03

First Questions

15|00|00|12|R|S|So where do you think we are? 16|00|00|12|L|Q| 16|00|00|12|L|S|This line could be the end of the line. 15|00|00|12|R|Q| 15|00|00|12|R|S|You mean like the long dark tunnel? 16|00|00|12|L|Q| 16|00|00|06|L|S|Could be. 15|00|00|06|R|Q| 15|00|00|10|R|S|Head for the light! 16|00|00|10|L|Q| 15|00|00|20|R|Q| 16|00|00|20|L|Q| 15|00|00|12|R|S|So, what happened to our clothes? 16|00|00|12|L|Q| 15|00|00|12|R|T|???? 16|00|00|12|L|T|????

Act 01 Scene 06

Selfish Love

12|00|00|34|R|S|If someone says
`I love you`,
it should not affect how you feel about them. 13|00|00|22|L|Q| 13|00|00|12|L|T|???? 12|00|00|24|R|S|The statement
`I love you`
is merely a confession of one`s need. 13|00|00|24|L|Q| 12|00|00|30|R|S|It is a request for assistance.
A cry for help.
A demand to have oneself made complete. 13|00|00|30|L|Q| 12|00|00|12|R|Q| 13|00|00|12|L|S|There is nothing wrong in wanting to be loved. 12|00|00|12|R|S|No more than there is in wanting a sandwich. 13|00|00|12|L|Q| 12|00|00|30|R|S|Only God can love selflessly.
Human love can only be
selfishly motivated. 13|00|00|30|L|Q|

Act 01 Scene 09

Final Success

17|00|00|12|R|S|What the...
Where the hell am I? 18|00|00|12|L|Q| 17|00|00|04|R|Q| 18|00|00|04|L|S|You`re close. 17|00|00|10|R|S|I was...
Oh no!
I can`t believe I did it. 17|00|00|04|R|Q| 18|00|00|14|L|Q| 17|00|00|06|R|Q| 18|00|00|06|L|S|Did what? 17|00|00|12|R|S|My life has been one failure after the next. 18|00|00|12|L|Q| 17|00|00|04|R|Q| 18|00|00|04|L|S|Testify. 17|00|00|16|R|S|I said,
``I`m gonna be a success,
if it`s the last thing I do!`` 17|00|00|04|R|Q| 18|00|00|20|L|Q| 17|00|00|04|R|Q| 18|00|00|04|L|S|And so it was. 17|00|00|14|R|S|I finally succeeded at something,
and it was my biggest failure of all. 17|00|00|04|R|Q| 18|00|00|18|L|Q| 17|00|00|18|R|Q| 18|00|00|14|L|S|The distance between success and failure can be paper thin. 18|00|00|04|L|Q| 17|00|00|02|R|Q| 18|00|07|02|L|Q|

Act 01 Scene 99

Intermission 1

01|00|13|04|R|Q| 02|00|13|04|R|Q| 03|00|13|04|R|Q| 04|00|13|04|R|Q| 05|00|13|04|R|Q| 06|00|13|04|R|Q| 07|00|13|04|R|Q| 08|00|13|04|R|Q| 09|00|13|04|R|Q| 10|00|13|04|R|Q| 11|00|13|04|R|Q| 12|00|13|04|R|Q| 13|00|13|04|R|Q| 14|00|13|04|R|Q| 15|00|13|04|R|Q| 16|00|13|04|R|Q| 17|00|13|04|R|Q| 18|00|13|04|R|Q| 19|00|13|04|R|Q| 20|00|13|04|R|Q| 21|00|13|04|R|Q| 22|00|13|04|R|Q| 23|00|13|04|R|Q| 24|00|13|04|R|Q| 25|00|13|04|R|Q| 26|00|13|04|R|Q| 27|00|13|04|R|Q| 28|00|13|04|R|Q| 29|00|13|04|R|Q| 30|00|13|04|R|Q|

Act 02 Scene 03

Idol Hunger

05|00|00|10|R|S|Everything you desire is an idol. 06|00|00|05|L|Q| 06|00|00|05|L|T|???? 05|00|00|20|R|S|The only desire which is not idolatry, is the desire for God. 06|00|00|10|L|Q| 06|00|00|10|L|T|!!!! 05|00|00|14|R|Q| 06|00|00|14|L|S|Am I committing idolatry when I desire a meal? 05|00|00|16|R|S|You are, if you do not thank God for granting you the meal. 06|00|00|16|L|Q| 05|00|00|06|R|Q| 06|00|00|06|L|S|By saying grace. 05|00|00|04|R|S|Yes. 06|00|00|04|L|Q| 05|00|00|18|R|Q| 06|00|00|18|L|S|By that reasoning, I should say grace before having sex. 05|00|00|20|R|T|!!!! 06|00|00|20|L|S|``God is great. God is good. And we thank Him for this....`` 05|00|00|08|R|T|???? 06|00|00|08|L|Q|

Act 02 Scene 08

Year of our Lord

25|00|00|24|R|S|So if you reject God, and you refuse to celebrate Christmas, how do you keep time? 25|00|00|04|R|Q| 26|00|00|28|L|Q| 25|00|00|06|R|Q| 26|00|00|06|L|S|What? 25|00|00|30|R|S|I mean,
our whole calendar
is based on the
Year of our Lord.
You can`t subscribe
to that, can you? 25|00|00|04|R|Q| 26|00|00|34|L|Q| 25|00|00|06|R|Q| 26|00|00|06|L|S|Listen... 25|00|00|38|R|S|I suppose
you base your
calendar on the
carbon-dating
of the Earth.
So...
what`s that
make it?
About year
4 billion? 25|00|00|04|R|Q| 26|00|00|42|L|Q| 25|00|00|06|R|Q| 26|00|00|06|L|S|That`s stupid. 25|00|00|06|R|Q| 26|00|00|06|L|Q| 25|00|00|08|R|S|Must be hard to fit that on checks. 25|00|00|02|R|Q| 26|00|00|10|L|Q| 25|00|00|14|R|Q| 26|00|00|10|L|S|Nah, our bank gives us special checks with a big blank. 26|00|00|04|L|Q| 25|00|00|06|R|Q| 26|00|00|06|L|Q| 25|00|00|36|R|S|March 27th,
in the year
of our planet
4,509,831,672.
Has a nice ring to it. 25|00|00|04|R|Q| 26|00|00|40|L|Q|

Act 02 Scene 09

Down to Earth

19|00|00|14|L|Q| 18|00|08|10|L|S|So listen. God and Jesus are in Heaven, right? 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|00|14|L|Q| 19|00|14|18|L|Q| 18|00|08|14|L|S|And God says ``Jesus, I need You to go down to Earth for Me.`` 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|18|L|Q| 19|00|14|24|L|Q| 18|00|09|20|R|S|And Jesus is like ``Aw, Come on! You gotta be kidding Me! It`s a mess down there.`` 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|24|L|Q| 19|00|14|28|L|Q| 18|00|08|24|L|S|And God`s like ``I know, I know... ... I know! ... ... But I really need You to do this for Me.`` 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|28|L|Q| 19|00|14|22|L|Q| 18|00|09|18|R|S|And Jesus is like ``What`s in it for Me? What do I get out of the deal?`` 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|22|L|Q| 19|00|14|30|L|Q| 18|00|08|26|L|S|And God`s like ``Well, how `bout this. When You get back, I`ll give You all authority in Heaven and on Earth.`` 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|30|L|Q| 19|00|14|34|L|Q| 18|00|09|30|R|S|And Jesus is all like rubbing His chin and thinking about it. And He`s like ``All authority, huh? Alright, You gotta deal!`` 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|34|L|Q| 20|00|14|40|L|Q| 19|00|14|40|L|Q| 18|00|08|36|L|S|And God`s like ``Great! Listen, while You`re down there, I need You to pick up a few things. We need milk, and bread, and uhh...`` 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|40|L|Q| 19|00|14|46|L|Q| 18|00|09|42|R|S|And Jesus is like ``Whoa! Let Me make a list here.`` And He`s like writing on His palm with an invisible pen, and He`s like ``Let`s see. Brrrreeeaaad. What else was there?`` 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|46|L|Q| 19|00|14|22|L|Q| 18|00|08|18|L|S|And God`s like ``You won`t need a list. We`ll talk again before You get back.`` 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|22|L|Q| 20|00|14|30|L|Q| 19|00|14|30|L|Q| 18|00|09|26|R|S|And Jesus like tosses the invisible pad of paper over His shoulder, and He`s like ``Alright. I`m outta here.`` And He takes off. 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|30|L|Q| 19|00|14|28|L|Q| 18|00|08|24|L|S|And God`s all waving good-bye, and He`s like ``I promise it won`t be as bad next time!`` 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|28|L|Q| 19|00|14|24|L|Q| 18|00|09|20|R|S|And Jesus stops in His tracks and looks back and He`s like ``Next time?`` 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|24|L|Q| 19|00|14|08|L|Q| 18|00|09|08|L|Q| 17|00|07|08|L|Q| 19|00|14|08|L|Q| 18|00|08|08|R|S|So what do you think? 17|00|07|08|L|Q| 19|00|14|08|L|Q| 18|00|09|08|L|Q| 17|00|07|08|L|Q| 19|00|14|08|L|S|Dude. That is blasphemous. 18|00|08|08|L|Q| 17|00|07|08|L|Q| 19|00|14|08|L|Q| 18|00|08|08|R|S|It`s just a comedy bit. 17|00|07|08|L|Q| 19|00|14|10|L|S|A little close to home, don`t you think? 18|00|08|10|L|Q| 17|00|07|10|L|Q|

Act 02 Scene 99

Intermission 2

01|00|13|04|R|Q| 02|00|13|04|R|Q| 03|00|13|04|R|Q| 04|00|13|04|R|Q| 05|00|13|04|R|Q| 06|00|13|04|R|Q| 07|00|13|04|R|Q| 08|00|13|04|R|Q| 09|00|13|04|R|Q| 10|00|13|04|R|Q| 11|00|13|04|R|Q| 12|00|13|04|R|Q| 13|00|13|04|R|Q| 14|00|13|04|R|Q| 15|00|13|04|R|Q| 16|00|13|04|R|Q| 17|00|13|04|R|Q| 18|00|13|04|R|Q| 19|00|13|04|R|Q| 20|00|13|04|R|Q| 21|00|13|04|R|Q| 22|00|13|04|R|Q| 23|00|13|04|R|Q| 24|00|13|04|R|Q| 25|00|13|04|R|Q| 26|00|13|04|R|Q| 27|00|13|04|R|Q| 28|00|13|04|R|Q| 29|00|13|04|R|Q| 30|00|13|04|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 01

Dark Tunnel

00|DK|00|06|R|S|Do you know where you are? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|08|R|Q| 00|DK|00|08|R|Q| 00|00|07|06|R|S|The long dark tunnel? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|Yeah...
And I`m the bright light at the end of it. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|Q| 00|00|07|10|R|S|Actually, you look kind of grayish. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|Alright, then I`m the black light in the foyer. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|18|R|Q| 00|00|07|16|R|S|Who has a black light in their foyer? Hippies maybe. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|S|Alright, then I`m the neon sign over the front door. 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|00|00|18|R|Q| 00|DK|00|18|R|Q| 00|00|07|14|R|S|``Budweiser.
King of Beers.``
Blink, blink, blink. 00|00|00|04|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|You do realize you`re about to meet your maker? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|18|R|Q| 00|00|07|16|R|S|``Check Cashing.
Open 24 Hours.``
Blink, blink, blink. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|18|R|S|Forget the neon sign! Are you prepared to meet God? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|20|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|Q| 00|00|07|12|R|S|I`m sure God would never have a black light in His foyer. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|06|R|S|Oh brother. 00|00|00|06|R|Q| 00|DK|00|20|R|Q| 00|00|07|18|R|S|Maybe a nice Tiffany lamp. Or some accent lighting... 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|ST|07|04|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 03

His Own Image

00|DK|00|06|R|S|What`s God look like? 00|00|00|06|R|Q| 00|DK|00|08|R|Q| 00|00|07|08|R|S|What do you mean? 00|DK|00|22|R|S|What does
God look like?
A train?
A sparrow?
A carrot? 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|00|00|26|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|Q| 00|00|07|08|R|S|I guess, an old man with a white beard? 00|00|00|06|R|Q| 00|DK|00|10|R|S|Fell for that Michaelangelo crap, ay? 00|00|00|10|R|Q| 00|DK|00|06|R|Q| 00|00|00|06|R|T|???? 00|DK|00|10|R|Q| 00|00|07|10|R|S|I don`t really know what... 00|DK|00|24|R|S|How you gonna know if you`re talking to God if you don`t know what God looks like? 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|00|00|28|R|Q| 00|DK|00|20|R|Q| 00|00|07|12|R|S|I guess I just thought it would be obvious. 00|00|00|08|R|Q| 00|DK|00|06|R|S|Obvious? Yeah. 00|DK|00|12|R|Q| 00|00|00|18|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|S|Ain`t no old man with a beard waiting for you up ahead. 00|DK|00|06|R|Q| 00|00|00|22|R|Q| 00|DK|00|20|R|S|I`m just gonna let Him deal with you. Then you`ll know what God looks like. 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|00|00|24|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|00|00|02|R|S|But... 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|ST|07|04|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 05

Democratic Heaven

00|DK|00|08|R|S|Oh,
it`s you. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|10|R|Q| 00|DK|00|06|R|Q| 00|00|07|04|R|S|It`s me! 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|S|Uh... Actually...
You have been
voted out. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|16|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|Q| 00|00|07|10|R|S|What do you mean,
`Voted out`
??? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|We took a vote.
You didn`t get enough support. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|Q| 00|00|07|14|R|S|You can`t get voted out of Heaven! 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|S|In fact, it turns out, you can. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|16|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|Q| 00|00|07|12|R|S|Most of the people in Heaven don`t even know me. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|10|R|S|Everybody in Heaven knows you. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|12|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|Q| 00|00|07|12|R|S|So,
insult one,
insult all?
Is that it? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|22|R|S|Pretty much.
More than just one,
though, wasn`t it? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|24|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|Q| 00|00|07|14|R|S|I thought as long as you believed in Jesus, you were in. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|S|That`s just the
story we tell,
so we can see what
you`re really like. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|18|R|Q| 00|DK|00|10|R|Q| 00|00|07|08|R|S|Bummer.
Thought I had a free pass. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|ST|07|04|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|S|Just kidding.
You`re golden.
Still an ass, though. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 99

Intermission 3

01|00|13|04|R|Q| 02|00|13|04|R|Q| 03|00|13|04|R|Q| 04|00|13|04|R|Q| 05|00|13|04|R|Q| 06|00|13|04|R|Q| 07|00|13|04|R|Q| 08|00|13|04|R|Q| 09|00|13|04|R|Q| 10|00|13|04|R|Q| 11|00|13|04|R|Q| 12|00|13|04|R|Q| 13|00|13|04|R|Q| 14|00|13|04|R|Q| 15|00|13|04|R|Q| 16|00|13|04|R|Q| 17|00|13|04|R|Q| 18|00|13|04|R|Q| 19|00|13|04|R|Q| 20|00|13|04|R|Q| 21|00|13|04|R|Q| 22|00|13|04|R|Q| 23|00|13|04|R|Q| 24|00|13|04|R|Q| 25|00|13|04|R|Q| 26|00|13|04|R|Q| 27|00|13|04|R|Q| 28|00|13|04|R|Q| 29|00|13|04|R|Q| 30|00|13|04|R|Q|

Act 04 Scene 02

Where`s Jesus?

01|00|13|08|R|Q| 02|00|13|08|R|Q| 03|00|13|08|R|Q| 04|00|13|08|R|Q| 05|00|13|08|R|Q| 06|00|13|08|R|Q| 07|00|13|08|R|Q| 08|00|13|08|R|Q| 09|00|13|08|R|Q| 10|00|13|08|R|Q| 11|00|13|08|R|Q| 12|00|13|08|R|Q| 13|00|13|08|R|Q| 14|00|13|08|R|Q| 15|00|13|08|R|Q| 16|00|13|08|R|Q| 17|00|13|08|R|Q| 18|00|13|08|R|Q| 19|00|13|08|R|Q| 20|00|13|08|R|Q| 21|00|13|08|R|Q| 22|00|13|08|R|Q| 23|00|13|08|R|Q| 24|00|13|08|R|Q| 25|00|13|08|R|Q| 26|00|13|08|R|Q| 27|00|13|08|R|Q| 28|00|13|08|R|Q| 29|00|13|08|R|Q| 30|00|13|08|R|Q| 01|00|13|24|R|Q| 02|00|13|24|R|Q| 03|00|13|24|R|Q| 04|00|13|24|R|Q| 05|00|13|24|R|Q| 06|00|13|24|R|Q| 07|00|13|24|R|Q| 08|00|13|24|R|Q| 09|00|13|24|R|Q| 10|00|13|24|R|Q| 11|00|13|24|R|Q| 12|00|13|24|R|Q| 13|00|13|24|R|Q| 14|00|13|24|R|Q| 15|00|13|24|R|Q| 16|00|13|24|R|Q| 17|00|13|24|R|Q| 18|00|13|24|R|Q| 19|00|13|24|R|Q| 20|00|13|24|R|Q| 21|00|13|24|R|Q| 22|00|13|08|R|S|Where`s Jesus? 22|00|13|16|R|Q| 23|00|13|08|L|Q| 23|00|13|16|L|S|I think he went
to get groceries. 24|00|13|24|R|Q| 25|00|13|24|R|Q| 26|00|13|24|R|Q| 27|00|13|24|R|Q| 28|00|13|24|R|Q| 29|00|13|24|R|Q| 30|00|13|24|R|Q| 01|00|13|08|R|Q| 02|00|13|08|R|Q| 03|00|13|08|R|Q| 04|00|13|08|R|Q| 05|00|13|08|R|Q| 06|00|13|08|R|Q| 07|00|13|08|R|Q| 08|00|13|08|R|Q| 09|00|13|08|R|Q| 10|00|13|08|R|Q| 11|00|13|08|R|Q| 12|00|13|08|R|Q| 13|00|13|08|R|Q| 14|00|13|08|R|Q| 15|00|13|08|R|Q| 16|00|13|08|R|Q| 17|00|13|08|R|Q| 18|00|13|08|R|Q| 19|00|13|08|R|Q| 20|00|13|08|R|Q| 21|00|13|08|R|Q| 22|00|13|08|R|Q| 23|00|13|08|R|Q| 24|00|13|08|R|Q| 25|00|13|08|R|Q| 26|00|13|08|R|Q| 27|00|13|08|R|Q| 28|00|13|08|R|Q| 29|00|13|08|R|Q| 30|00|13|08|R|Q|