Act 00 Scene 00

Setting the Stage

30|00|13|12|L|Q|
29|00|13|12|R|Q|

Act 01 Scene 06

Selfish Love

12|00|00|34|R|S|If someone says
`I love you`,
it should not affect how you feel about them. 13|00|00|22|L|Q| 13|00|00|12|L|T|???? 12|00|00|24|R|S|The statement
`I love you`
is merely a confession of one`s need. 13|00|00|24|L|Q| 12|00|00|30|R|S|It is a request for assistance.
A cry for help.
A demand to have oneself made complete. 13|00|00|30|L|Q| 12|00|00|12|R|Q| 13|00|00|12|L|S|There is nothing wrong in wanting to be loved. 12|00|00|12|R|S|No more than there is in wanting a sandwich. 13|00|00|12|L|Q| 12|00|00|30|R|S|Only God can love selflessly.
Human love can only be
selfishly motivated. 13|00|00|30|L|Q|

Act 01 Scene 08

God`s God

23|00|00|10|R|S|Pretty unlucky ending up here, huh? 24|00|00|10|L|Q| 23|00|00|10|R|Q| 24|00|00|10|L|S|You don`t know the half of it. 23|00|00|20|R|S|I guess everybody thinks that they are the one who is so unlucky. 24|00|00|20|L|Q| 23|00|00|10|R|Q| 24|00|00|10|L|S|Here`s how unlucky I am. 23|00|00|48|R|Q| 24|00|00|48|L|S|If my God had a God, my God`s God would punish my God for treating me so poorly. 23|00|00|10|R|S|Are we still talking about luck? 24|00|00|10|L|Q| 23|00|00|10|R|Q| 24|00|00|10|L|S|It`s all a matter of perspective.

Act 01 Scene 10

Aldolf Sweetie

07|01|00|26|R|S|Ich kann nicht glauben, dass ich in solch einer langen Reihe, da dies zu stehen! 07|01|00|04|R|Q| 08|09|00|30|L|Q| 07|00|00|18|R|Q| 08|00|00|14|L|S|Adolf, sweetie, calm down. There`s nothing you can do about it. 08|00|00|04|L|Q| 07|00|00|26|R|S|Woher kommen all diese Leute und warum muss ich hinter ihnen warten? 07|00|00|04|R|Q| 08|00|00|30|L|Q| 07|00|00|26|R|Q| 08|00|08|22|L|S|It`s your own fault. If you hadn`t killed all those Jews, the line wouldn`t be so long! 08|00|09|04|L|Q| 07|00|00|08|R|T|!!!! 08|00|00|08|L|Q|

Act 01 Scene 99

Intermission 1

01|00|13|04|R|Q| 02|00|13|04|R|Q| 03|00|13|04|R|Q| 04|00|13|04|R|Q| 05|00|13|04|R|Q| 06|00|13|04|R|Q| 07|00|13|04|R|Q| 08|00|13|04|R|Q| 09|00|13|04|R|Q| 10|00|13|04|R|Q| 11|00|13|04|R|Q| 12|00|13|04|R|Q| 13|00|13|04|R|Q| 14|00|13|04|R|Q| 15|00|13|04|R|Q| 16|00|13|04|R|Q| 17|00|13|04|R|Q| 18|00|13|04|R|Q| 19|00|13|04|R|Q| 20|00|13|04|R|Q| 21|00|13|04|R|Q| 22|00|13|04|R|Q| 23|00|13|04|R|Q| 24|00|13|04|R|Q| 25|00|13|04|R|Q| 26|00|13|04|R|Q| 27|00|13|04|R|Q| 28|00|13|04|R|Q| 29|00|13|04|R|Q| 30|00|13|04|R|Q|

Act 02 Scene 02

Own a Burger

15|00|07|12|R|S|Now I`m really starting to feel guilty for all the stuff I own. 15|00|07|03|R|Q| 16|00|00|15|L|Q| 15|00|07|06|R|Q| 16|00|00|06|L|S|You mean,
``Owned``. 15|00|08|10|R|S|If only I had given it all to the poor. 15|00|08|03|R|Q| 16|00|08|13|L|Q| 15|00|07|06|R|Q| 16|00|08|06|L|S|Then they would own it. 15|00|07|06|R|S|What? 16|00|08|06|L|Q| 15|00|07|08|R|Q| 16|00|14|08|L|S|You cannot avoid owning things. 15|00|07|04|R|S|Sure I can. 16|00|08|04|L|Q| 15|00|07|15|R|Q| 16|00|14|12|L|S|Once you eat a burger, you own it. 16|00|14|03|L|Q| 15|00|07|04|R|T|???? 16|00|08|04|L|Q| 15|00|07|15|R|Q| 16|00|09|12|L|S|We have to possess things in order to survive. 16|00|09|03|L|Q| 15|00|07|15|R|Q| 16|00|08|12|L|S|No sense in feeling guilty for making yourself comfortable. 16|00|08|03|L|Q| 15|00|07|12|R|T|???? 16|00|08|12|L|Q| 15|00|08|08|R|S|I gave the burger back eventually. 15|00|08|04|R|Q| 16|00|08|12|L|Q| 15|00|08|08|R|Q| 16|00|14|08|L|T|!!!! 15|00|08|04|R|Q| 16|00|08|04|L|Q| 15|00|08|04|R|Q| 16|00|14|04|L|Q| 15|00|07|04|R|Q| 16|00|08|04|L|Q| 15|00|00|04|R|Q| 16|00|07|04|L|Q|

Act 02 Scene 05

Million Sneezes

15|00|00|06|R|S|Here`s one for you. 15|00|00|04|R|Q| 16|00|00|10|L|Q| 11|00|00|10|L|Q| 15|00|00|30|R|S|If there are 7 billion people in the world, and the average person sneezes once per day... 15|00|00|04|R|Q| 16|00|00|17|L|Q| 16|00|00|17|L|T|???? 11|00|00|34|L|Q| 15|00|00|24|R|S|That means that every second, over eighty thousand people sneeze. 15|00|00|10|R|Q| 16|00|00|17|L|Q| 16|00|00|17|L|T|!!!! 11|00|00|34|L|Q| 15|00|00|08|R|Q| 16|00|00|08|L|S|Nobody in this line is sneezing. 11|00|00|08|L|Q| 15|00|00|16|R|Q| 16|00|00|16|L|Q| 11|00|00|06|L|Q| 11|00|00|04|L|S|Ah choo! 11|00|00|06|L|Q| 15|00|00|10|R|Q| 16|00|14|04|L|S|Very funny! 16|00|14|06|L|Q| 15|00|00|08|R|Q| 16|00|00|08|L|Q| 15|00|00|14|R|Q| 16|00|00|14|L|S|The average person flushes the toilet several times a day! 15|00|00|26|R|S|And if it takes ten seconds for a toilet to flush, at four flushes per day... 15|00|00|06|R|Q| 16|00|00|32|L|Q| 15|00|00|26|R|S|That means that at any given moment, over three million toilets are flushing. 15|00|00|06|R|Q| 16|00|00|16|L|Q| 16|00|00|16|L|T|!!!! 15|00|00|16|R|Q| 16|00|00|08|L|Q| 16|00|00|08|L|S|I think I can hear them.

Act 02 Scene 09

Down to Earth

19|00|00|14|L|Q| 18|00|08|10|L|S|So listen. God and Jesus are in Heaven, right? 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|00|14|L|Q| 19|00|14|18|L|Q| 18|00|08|14|L|S|And God says ``Jesus, I need You to go down to Earth for Me.`` 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|18|L|Q| 19|00|14|24|L|Q| 18|00|09|20|R|S|And Jesus is like ``Aw, Come on! You gotta be kidding Me! It`s a mess down there.`` 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|24|L|Q| 19|00|14|28|L|Q| 18|00|08|24|L|S|And God`s like ``I know, I know... ... I know! ... ... But I really need You to do this for Me.`` 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|28|L|Q| 19|00|14|22|L|Q| 18|00|09|18|R|S|And Jesus is like ``What`s in it for Me? What do I get out of the deal?`` 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|22|L|Q| 19|00|14|30|L|Q| 18|00|08|26|L|S|And God`s like ``Well, how `bout this. When You get back, I`ll give You all authority in Heaven and on Earth.`` 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|30|L|Q| 19|00|14|34|L|Q| 18|00|09|30|R|S|And Jesus is all like rubbing His chin and thinking about it. And He`s like ``All authority, huh? Alright, You gotta deal!`` 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|34|L|Q| 20|00|14|40|L|Q| 19|00|14|40|L|Q| 18|00|08|36|L|S|And God`s like ``Great! Listen, while You`re down there, I need You to pick up a few things. We need milk, and bread, and uhh...`` 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|40|L|Q| 19|00|14|46|L|Q| 18|00|09|42|R|S|And Jesus is like ``Whoa! Let Me make a list here.`` And He`s like writing on His palm with an invisible pen, and He`s like ``Let`s see. Brrrreeeaaad. What else was there?`` 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|46|L|Q| 19|00|14|22|L|Q| 18|00|08|18|L|S|And God`s like ``You won`t need a list. We`ll talk again before You get back.`` 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|22|L|Q| 20|00|14|30|L|Q| 19|00|14|30|L|Q| 18|00|09|26|R|S|And Jesus like tosses the invisible pad of paper over His shoulder, and He`s like ``Alright. I`m outta here.`` And He takes off. 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|30|L|Q| 19|00|14|28|L|Q| 18|00|08|24|L|S|And God`s all waving good-bye, and He`s like ``I promise it won`t be as bad next time!`` 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|28|L|Q| 19|00|14|24|L|Q| 18|00|09|20|R|S|And Jesus stops in His tracks and looks back and He`s like ``Next time?`` 18|00|08|04|L|Q| 17|00|07|24|L|Q| 19|00|14|08|L|Q| 18|00|09|08|L|Q| 17|00|07|08|L|Q| 19|00|14|08|L|Q| 18|00|08|08|R|S|So what do you think? 17|00|07|08|L|Q| 19|00|14|08|L|Q| 18|00|09|08|L|Q| 17|00|07|08|L|Q| 19|00|14|08|L|S|Dude. That is blasphemous. 18|00|08|08|L|Q| 17|00|07|08|L|Q| 19|00|14|08|L|Q| 18|00|08|08|R|S|It`s just a comedy bit. 17|00|07|08|L|Q| 19|00|14|10|L|S|A little close to home, don`t you think? 18|00|08|10|L|Q| 17|00|07|10|L|Q|

Act 02 Scene 99

Intermission 2

01|00|13|04|R|Q| 02|00|13|04|R|Q| 03|00|13|04|R|Q| 04|00|13|04|R|Q| 05|00|13|04|R|Q| 06|00|13|04|R|Q| 07|00|13|04|R|Q| 08|00|13|04|R|Q| 09|00|13|04|R|Q| 10|00|13|04|R|Q| 11|00|13|04|R|Q| 12|00|13|04|R|Q| 13|00|13|04|R|Q| 14|00|13|04|R|Q| 15|00|13|04|R|Q| 16|00|13|04|R|Q| 17|00|13|04|R|Q| 18|00|13|04|R|Q| 19|00|13|04|R|Q| 20|00|13|04|R|Q| 21|00|13|04|R|Q| 22|00|13|04|R|Q| 23|00|13|04|R|Q| 24|00|13|04|R|Q| 25|00|13|04|R|Q| 26|00|13|04|R|Q| 27|00|13|04|R|Q| 28|00|13|04|R|Q| 29|00|13|04|R|Q| 30|00|13|04|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 02

Real Sarcasm

00|DK|00|04|R|S|So what`s your story? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|06|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|Q| 00|00|07|10|R|S|Ahh.. Goldylocks and the three bears? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|S|Standing at the
Pearly Gates,
and you`re still throwing that
stuff around. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|18|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|00|00|02|R|S|What stuff? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|You`ve been skating by on that sarcastic nonsense your entire life. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|00|00|02|R|S|So what? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|When the time of reckoning is upon you, find your straight face, and speak from the heart. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|Q| 00|00|00|12|R|S|So what if I flavor my words with irony and hyperbole? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|Your irreverence
exposes your lack
of commitment to
your own well being. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|00|00|02|R|S|So? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|So it`s time for some real sarcasm. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|06|R|Q| 00|00|07|04|R|S|What do you mean? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|S|Bye bye. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|06|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|SM|07|04|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 04

All Knowledge

00|DK|00|08|R|S|Have you forgiven your trespassers? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|10|R|Q| 00|DK|00|06|R|Q| 00|00|07|04|R|S|I guess. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|S|You guess?
Do you know how many
people in Heaven are
holding a grudge
against you? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|16|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|Q| 00|00|07|10|R|S|Well,
Bob from work is probably still pissed... 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|10|R|S|None!
Zero.
Do you know why? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|12|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|Q| 00|00|07|14|R|S|Because once your dead there`s nothing you can do about it? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|S|Because when you get to Heaven, you understand why. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|16|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|00|07|02|R|S|Why what? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|10|R|S|Why Mary slapped Bill at the office party.
Why Jenny didn`t... 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|12|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|Q| 00|00|07|12|R|S|Oh yeah!
Bill probably said something stupid and off-color. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|22|R|S|That`s not the point!
The point is you will know
why trespasses happened,
and understand. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|24|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|Q| 00|00|07|12|R|S|So just because I know
why someone hurt me,
is enough for me
to forgive them? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|When you can see the whole picture,
it all makes sense. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|10|R|Q| 00|00|07|08|R|S|That does make it easier to let it all go. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|ST|07|04|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|Actually,
it was because Bill goosed her at the water cooler. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 05

Democratic Heaven

00|DK|00|08|R|S|Oh,
it`s you. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|10|R|Q| 00|DK|00|06|R|Q| 00|00|07|04|R|S|It`s me! 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|S|Uh... Actually...
You have been
voted out. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|16|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|Q| 00|00|07|10|R|S|What do you mean,
`Voted out`
??? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|We took a vote.
You didn`t get enough support. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|Q| 00|00|07|14|R|S|You can`t get voted out of Heaven! 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|S|In fact, it turns out, you can. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|16|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|Q| 00|00|07|12|R|S|Most of the people in Heaven don`t even know me. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|10|R|S|Everybody in Heaven knows you. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|12|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|Q| 00|00|07|12|R|S|So,
insult one,
insult all?
Is that it? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|22|R|S|Pretty much.
More than just one,
though, wasn`t it? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|24|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|Q| 00|00|07|14|R|S|I thought as long as you believed in Jesus, you were in. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|S|That`s just the
story we tell,
so we can see what
you`re really like. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|18|R|Q| 00|DK|00|10|R|Q| 00|00|07|08|R|S|Bummer.
Thought I had a free pass. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|ST|07|04|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|S|Just kidding.
You`re golden.
Still an ass, though. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 99

Intermission 3

01|00|13|04|R|Q| 02|00|13|04|R|Q| 03|00|13|04|R|Q| 04|00|13|04|R|Q| 05|00|13|04|R|Q| 06|00|13|04|R|Q| 07|00|13|04|R|Q| 08|00|13|04|R|Q| 09|00|13|04|R|Q| 10|00|13|04|R|Q| 11|00|13|04|R|Q| 12|00|13|04|R|Q| 13|00|13|04|R|Q| 14|00|13|04|R|Q| 15|00|13|04|R|Q| 16|00|13|04|R|Q| 17|00|13|04|R|Q| 18|00|13|04|R|Q| 19|00|13|04|R|Q| 20|00|13|04|R|Q| 21|00|13|04|R|Q| 22|00|13|04|R|Q| 23|00|13|04|R|Q| 24|00|13|04|R|Q| 25|00|13|04|R|Q| 26|00|13|04|R|Q| 27|00|13|04|R|Q| 28|00|13|04|R|Q| 29|00|13|04|R|Q| 30|00|13|04|R|Q|

Act 04 Scene 02

Where`s Jesus?

01|00|13|08|R|Q| 02|00|13|08|R|Q| 03|00|13|08|R|Q| 04|00|13|08|R|Q| 05|00|13|08|R|Q| 06|00|13|08|R|Q| 07|00|13|08|R|Q| 08|00|13|08|R|Q| 09|00|13|08|R|Q| 10|00|13|08|R|Q| 11|00|13|08|R|Q| 12|00|13|08|R|Q| 13|00|13|08|R|Q| 14|00|13|08|R|Q| 15|00|13|08|R|Q| 16|00|13|08|R|Q| 17|00|13|08|R|Q| 18|00|13|08|R|Q| 19|00|13|08|R|Q| 20|00|13|08|R|Q| 21|00|13|08|R|Q| 22|00|13|08|R|Q| 23|00|13|08|R|Q| 24|00|13|08|R|Q| 25|00|13|08|R|Q| 26|00|13|08|R|Q| 27|00|13|08|R|Q| 28|00|13|08|R|Q| 29|00|13|08|R|Q| 30|00|13|08|R|Q| 01|00|13|24|R|Q| 02|00|13|24|R|Q| 03|00|13|24|R|Q| 04|00|13|24|R|Q| 05|00|13|24|R|Q| 06|00|13|24|R|Q| 07|00|13|24|R|Q| 08|00|13|24|R|Q| 09|00|13|24|R|Q| 10|00|13|24|R|Q| 11|00|13|24|R|Q| 12|00|13|24|R|Q| 13|00|13|24|R|Q| 14|00|13|24|R|Q| 15|00|13|24|R|Q| 16|00|13|24|R|Q| 17|00|13|24|R|Q| 18|00|13|24|R|Q| 19|00|13|24|R|Q| 20|00|13|24|R|Q| 21|00|13|24|R|Q| 22|00|13|08|R|S|Where`s Jesus? 22|00|13|16|R|Q| 23|00|13|08|L|Q| 23|00|13|16|L|S|I think he went
to get groceries. 24|00|13|24|R|Q| 25|00|13|24|R|Q| 26|00|13|24|R|Q| 27|00|13|24|R|Q| 28|00|13|24|R|Q| 29|00|13|24|R|Q| 30|00|13|24|R|Q| 01|00|13|08|R|Q| 02|00|13|08|R|Q| 03|00|13|08|R|Q| 04|00|13|08|R|Q| 05|00|13|08|R|Q| 06|00|13|08|R|Q| 07|00|13|08|R|Q| 08|00|13|08|R|Q| 09|00|13|08|R|Q| 10|00|13|08|R|Q| 11|00|13|08|R|Q| 12|00|13|08|R|Q| 13|00|13|08|R|Q| 14|00|13|08|R|Q| 15|00|13|08|R|Q| 16|00|13|08|R|Q| 17|00|13|08|R|Q| 18|00|13|08|R|Q| 19|00|13|08|R|Q| 20|00|13|08|R|Q| 21|00|13|08|R|Q| 22|00|13|08|R|Q| 23|00|13|08|R|Q| 24|00|13|08|R|Q| 25|00|13|08|R|Q| 26|00|13|08|R|Q| 27|00|13|08|R|Q| 28|00|13|08|R|Q| 29|00|13|08|R|Q| 30|00|13|08|R|Q|